Life Update

Hello readers! How have you been this nearly half year? I’m so glad you’re still here!

I will just get into where I’ve been for the last 6 months. My dad has/had throat cancer. He had to get surgery to have his voice box taken out. He said that he would have to spend 1 week in the hospital recovering.

Honestly, I can understand having to spend longer Like: doctors probably just say an average, things can come up. Maybe my dad himself thought it’d be a simple operation or didn’t want us to worry. But he ended up having to spend an additional week.

However, he did not tell his wife and I that he would have drainage and a feeding tube. While it was fortunate that we were able to visit him in the hospital during this pandemic, it was only once (that we thought at the time) where we were dumped upon all these supplies and information. This was after his first week, and he seemed very out of it. I was very concerned that I would have be nurse from 1 hour of training. Again, fortunately, he was able to stay that second week after which he could feed himself.

When my dad was released, he still had this drainage stuff attached to him which had bandaging that would have to be stuffed in to be replaced. I did not see how to do this, but we were supposed to have a nurse come the next day. My dad couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital, and apparently, may have done too much too soon because before bed that night, he and his wife were trying to change the bandaging, and he passed out. It was traumatic because I wasn’t in the room but heard my stepmother screaming, she called 911 and made me speak to them. I felt a little guilty because the hospital later released him as probably just doing too much and the operator/responders made it seem like it wasn’t an emergency, but what the fuck do I know!? Is fainting an emergency? I’ve literally never been to a hospital except to be born and visit others. He would’ve had to go the emergency room anyway because in the commotion, his feeding tube came out.

THAT WAS THE FIRST DAY. The second day, the nurse came and changed the bandaging. Even though I did not see how to do this, my stepmother asked me to do it in the evening 😒 My dad’s feeding tube came out again. We tried to go to a closer hospital than his usual, but they wanted to use something different to which than he was accustomed. They also said that the drainage looked infected, but they couldn’t change it! So he ended up going back to the his usual hospital until the drainage healed.

It’s been a very stressful time especially considering that I don’t particularly like my dad, and his wife is worse. I can’t imagine him taking care of me in such a situation, and his wife, you know, the person I just said asked me to change her husband’s bandaging? She literally told a nurse that I’m “not reliable.” Like: Jesus Christ! I can understand that she may not have used the right word/got lost in translation, but she makes me sound like a fucking drug addict. I appreciate all she’s done, I mean, she was the one calling everyday, but she is still a shitty person. Like: your husband can no longer speak, and she whispers at him? Complete psychopath!

It’s taken/taking adjusting. For some reason, I expected my dad to be bedridden, but he still communicates and goes out and about. I forget how long each stage is, but gradually you’re able to go from the feeding tube to clear liquids, soft foods, and then regular foods.

Before my parents divorced, we went to the Philippines when I was a kid. Back then I was scared of cockroaches but didn’t want to be rude and scream when one was flying around my aunt and uncle’s hut (I mean, it’s not like we never had roaches in our cement house in the US). Years later, I’d hear something like you have to change your environment to get over something.

I cannot be a caretaker for someone that doesn’t care for me at least in this capacity. Maybe if I could live on my own and visit every so often, but that’s just not a possibility at the moment. I’ve spent years feeling too anxious to work, but this has really propelled me to my first job. This probably sounds selfish, but I’ve found that in so many situations you have to do something because nobody else is going to do it.

So I will talk about that next time! Thanks for reading and sticking with me and happy belated new year!