I Gotta Stop Giving Money to White Boys


Last week I saw Bo Burnham, and first of all I gotta say I wholly appreciate all entertainers who come to my humble, drunk city-town instead of or in addition to the easy pick of a nearby tourist town. I can’t drive 100 miles; twenty is my max. When you’re south of South, you might as well be in a different country.

I’ve seen Mike Birbiglia and Pete Holmes at the same venue and true to “Words, Words, Words,” he blew those dudes out of the water. I suppose I was expecting stand-up, but they were in a performing arts center, so I suppose Mike and Pete’s shows fall under the category… However in regards to Pete’s show with that pastor guy whom looks like he would’ve lent Conor Oberst his ID to buy beer– second of all– I didn’t pay theatre money to hear what I could hear at church for free.

I enjoyed Bo’s show. It fit with his previous work and not like, a complete upheaval for a Tartuffe the Spry Wonder Dog like my mind jumped to based on his website. I feel like whenever I encounter this kid I should ask if he’s ok. His crowd is really big and weird. Like: it’s great for him that he has such an audience, right, but it’s weird, right? A lot of “stand-ups” don’t break 1 million Twitter followers.

There was a part where he hates on that celebrity karaoke game. Like: isn’t a beloved, white actress lip-syncing to a rap song about police brutality and institutionalized racism cute and silly and fun? Which got the crowd worked up and I, too, applauded, but then Bo says, “How dare you express yourself” which I wasn’t sure if he was referring to the actresses or what, but if he were, I don’t even care. Fuck that shit.

So was the crowd out for this? Was that person who cheered for Bo’s breakup out for this?

There was an opener to which I’ve usually looked forward. More for the money, right? But I think that’s going to change. Like: maybe they are/aren’t, but I have just not had a good experience with them. They tend to be new or local and rely on shitty, bigoted jokes. “Rely” might be considered too strong for one joke, but if you’d one handful of shit in your dinner, I’m sure it’d spoil your evening and make you reconsider your future choices.

And yeah, that includes my own choices. Bo made a joke about Jews making the nice theatre, and I’m sure he’s made other questionable jokes. But nobody’s gonna be 100% ideal. I feel like some things are in a “gray area,” i.e., this isn’t explicitly racist but feels, as Larry Wilmore says, “racist adjacent.” And Asian accent jokes are definitely past the exit. Is Jewish people being good builders even a stereotype? Look, obviously I’m going to be more offended at something that involves me than something that doesn’t which is why it is in gray for me. I’d much rather see an actual Jewish or whoever’s response and support them.

I just feel like white boys are finding any excuse to do it (Stephen Colbert, Thomas Middleditch) and if you can’t even name a specific accent for a region that encompasses 60% of the population and 50 different countries with most having more than one language, you just… you just fuckin suck. Like: get out of the game, do not collect MY $200. That’s the other thing. It’d be one thing if I saw this on tv, but I spent money on this trash, so here’s my internet complaint.

I gotta stop giving money to white boys. They just end up disappointing me. I’ve been trying to keep off white stuff like a diet, but the lack of representation, man. It’s like a fucking compulsion. Right now I’m thinking about John Hodgman and Jamie Kilstein in Orlando and Doug Benson and Matt Mira coming to town. If I could drive 100 miles, I’d be able to see two white boys see about their privilege in two weeks. Is there like a nasty nail polish for this shit?


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